Teething problems...

So yes, the running. We have hit a few snags. It started out well, as these thing tend to do - and then the teething problems started.

I mean quite literally, the molars in Quinn's mouth that have been threatening to make an appearance for about a month now have suddenly all decided to come through at once. And so my poor wee man has not slept very well for about a week now, even with the help of paracetamol and then nurofen when that didn't work, the night wakings have been frequent. I am tired and a run is the last thing I feel like doing.

Until this morning, when I had a stern talking to myself and decided that if not a run then a fast walk at least. I procrastinated - the baby dropped loose tea on the floor, it had to be cleaned up, and mopped! Then I couldn't find the car keys, not that I was taking the car, but I might want to use it later and they had be found, this instant!!! But eventually we got out the door and did a good 40mins of exercise. Quinn even stayed asleep in the pram long enough for me to have shower in peace when we got home, score!

So I entered a race

Sort of - I guess it's more of a running event. I mean it's not really a race if you aren't so much hoping to beat anyone as you're hoping to finish - know what I mean??

I have been flirting with the idea of running for a few months now, starting the couch 2 5k program more than once and petering out about week 3. What I needed was an incentive and so I have entered the Coatesville Classic 8k loop and to up the anti I posted the fact to my Facebook. The prospect of embarrassment over piking and not doing the event is the real incentive of course!

So now I am two days into my training for the event and I have decided to go with a heart rate based training initially. Covering specific distances while keeping my heart rate high (170bpm - 180bpm). Two days in and 9kms later I am a bit sore, but looking forward to March 18th at the start line!

You can't always choose what you want

Choice is an interesting thing - it implies that you are doing what you want, but sometimes the best choice and choice you want to make are two different things.

When I had my son almost 11 months ago I chose to have an elective c-section. It was so far from the birth I wanted that in the past year I have gone over and over my decision, wondered about what ifs, ultimately to wind up in the same place each time; telling myself off for being so ungrateful. How can you feel disappointed when you have a beautiful, healthy baby? How can you be disappointed when you are healthy and relatively unscarred? How can you be disappointed when there are women all over the world with such limited access to maternity care? How dare you be disappointed?! It's so, so ungrateful.

And yet I am.

Not because I don't think the right decision was made, when Quinn was delivered he weighed 10lb 9oz, he was posterior and a brow presentation. I had been having contractions for a week before my section, strong ones for the 6 hours immediately before with no progress and a distressed baby - there was meconium in the waters. Like I said, I feel we made the right choice.

No, I think that I am disappointed because you get primed to think that if you make the right choices - you get the outcome you want. And I thought I had - I had a good LMC, I went to pregnancy massage to try and convince my baby to move, I bought the pink kit, slept on the left side and watched tv on my hands and knees, I was young, relatively fit.... But in the end it comes down to chance, you are dealt your cards you can only decide how to play them. That was my mistake; I thought I could choose the cards.

So if we are lucky and there is another pregnancy and another baby and we get to do this all over again, I will hope for a better hand to be dealt my way. If that doesn't happen and I don't get to try for the natural birth I so badly wanted - then, well I will try not to be disappointed with my decisions.